Parents use a cash Christmas intended for the ‘whole family’ on extravagant gifts for the kids, end up getting reprimanded by an angry mother-in-law: ‘She wants all 5 of us to get a gift 'from them'’

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 23, 2024 5:00 PM EST

It's said that if you give someone cash or a gift card for Christmas, you have no say in what they use the money for, but in this family's holiday drama, Grandma has the final say in everyone's self-purchased gift. 

Gift-giving is a delicate science because you want to get someone something personal and heartfelt, but also not completely out-of-pocket, over-budget, or just downright thoughtless. Luckily, many people are terrible gift-givers (it's certainly not everyone's instinctual skill), so retail companies created gift cards, and dear ol' grandmas discovered the 'cash-in-a-card' method. Whether you're an out-of-touch old person, or simply too far away to give someone a physical gift, cash offers an excellent option to show someone you really care and want them to splurge on something they'd like–however, if you try to take the wheel of their final decision, it's like telling someone how to use their gift. 

Sorry, sweetheart, this bird has flown the coop and the gift has left the station–your gift's recipient can now use their cash value however they please. Keep scrolling to read more about how this Granny wanted her generous sum of cash to fund the whole family when the parents would rather spoil all the kiddos instead.

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    100 FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE 100 E FEDERAL RESERVE NOT LK 73285311 A K11 100 100 FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE 100AY C FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE MI 458256220 100 FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE LK 12867819F K11 100 FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE ML 89306301 C CULLE TAYETED L12 100 FEDERAL RE ML 45825 100 L12 ML 4582553% C 100
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  • 02
    AITA for not using my in- laws Christmas money in the way they specified? Not the A-he I (36f) have been married to my husband (37m) for almost 8 years and we have 3 kids under 7.
    via loomieloon
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    My husband's family lives a 4 hour flight from us and in a location that is very difficult to travel to at Christmas time so it's long been established that we don't travel to them at Christmas time, and there are no hard feelings about this at all.
    via loomieloon
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    My mother in law used to send us Christmas packages with gifts, but as we've had more kids, the last 4ish years she has just sent us a cheque and asked us to purchase gifts for our family on behalf of her and my FIL.
    via loomieloon
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    We always use this money for gifts for the kids, and we always tell the kids that those gifts are from their grandparents. Honestly because it's a lump sum it has been really great to get a
    via loomieloon
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    larger ticket gift for them to share (as an example, we used it one year to buy them a Nugget play couch something we otherwise wouldn't have given them as a gift). A couple years ago my MIL
    via loomieloon
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    clarified that the money is also intended to be enough for my husband and I to buy gifts for each other "from them". This is honestly just lower priority for us, and we told her one year that we don't need much for ourselves
    via loomieloon
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    and had just used the money for the kids. My MIL wasn't thrilled about this, and then last year when we were on FaceTime on Christmas morning, she asked us directly what gifts we had gotten each other from them. We both
    via loomieloon
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    improvised and showed gifts that we had just bought for each other and went through a bit of a show of thanking them for these gifts. It felt a little silly. This year, the cheque has arrived
    via loomieloon
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    and we really want to use it to get the kids in ski camps over the break, it's the perfect amount for that. I would just like to be honest with my ILs that this is what we are doing with their gift money,
    via loomieloon
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    instead of pretending that my husband and I are using it to get each other gifts too. However, given that she's specified that she wants all 5 of us to get a gift "from them", AITA for not following what she's asking?
    via loomieloon
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    I will add that my MIL and I have a solid and friendly relationship, however we are not particularly close.
    via loomieloon
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    heather rodes Just pick a present each year that you gave each other and pretend it came 'from them.' It's not even really false, if you think about it since money is fungible. i.e. you could just as easily say
    via heather_rodes
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    that you used the in-law's money to cover most of the cost for the ski camp, and you pitched in the rest, and that they 'bought' you the other thing. This is what my family does and it's always been easy
    via heather_rodes
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    enough, and I think it makes them happy to think me and my partner are enjoying ourselves as well. Basically, it's a minor ask to let them preserve the happy fiction, so I don't really see the need to push them on it.
    via heather_rodes
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    Introverted Giraffe Or paying for ski camp gives mom and dad a free day to ski together - MIL just bought them a date day
    via Introverted Giraffe
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    Lawfully Neurotic You're using the money exactly as it was intended. She would "like" you to include yourself and your husband in the gift giving but you simply don't want or need
    via LawfullyNeurotic
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    it. You instead put the money to the same use for your kids (which IMO is who matter the most during the holidays) The gift that she got you is you have less stress in your
    via LawfullyNeurotic
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    lives. She gave you some extra money to help with gifts and now you two can better enjoy the holidays. She thinks gifts are "stuff" but the reality is she gifted you a state of mind.
    via LawfullyNeurotic
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    bamf1701 NAH. Technically, once a gift is given, it's yours to do what you want with it. However, the spirit of what your MIL is doing is to prevent exactly what you are doing: not doing
    via bamf1701
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    anything for yourselves and giving everything to the kids. I think, at the least, the two of you could use some of the money to get a sitter and have a really nice date night
    via bamf1701
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    (maybe New Years Eve) on her. Since you don't need anything physical, give yourself an experience and some time to relax, and then you can tell her honestly that she did give you a gift.
    via bamf1701

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